Saturday, May 5, 2012

1 Year Stats

Kylah turned 1 on April 26th!  I can't believe its been a whole year since we brought this sweet little baby girl into our world.  Life's changed so much and its so crazy to look at how far she's come and how much she's grown.  She had her 1 yr old checkup on April 30th to get some shots and check her stats.  My tiny baby is finally out of the 5% in weight.  She weighed 19.8lbs and was 30inches long (Although I definitely think she's shorter, but its really hard to get a height/length measurement on a wiggly toddler).  Her head measured at 18inches and that still is falling in the 50%.  She moved up to 10% in weight and height.  Her iron was low again on the finger prick, even lower than her 9month visit and that concerned our doctor a bit.  He didn't really think her iron was low with her recent gain in weight and her color looking the way it did, but since Kylah isn't fond of veggies anymore and we're still working on eating meat, he wanted to make sure.  So after her 2 shots (which I had to be the mean mommy and hold her legs down!) we had to have blood drawn on her.  Now, I hate giving blood or having blood drawn.  They can never find a good vein on me and most of my blood draws end up coming out of my hand.  I was terrified of putting her through that.  But the nurse was good and got her on the first try.  She wailed and it was heartbreaking, but she's a trooper.  The good news?  Her hemoglobin was normal, so she just doesn't respond to finger pricks.

The doctor said she looked great and was progressing normally, so I guess we're figuring out this whole parent thing.  Its a challenge every day, but the reward is unexplainable.  Its crazy to think just a year ago she was born, she had bad jaundice, we were having feeding issues, and I was freaking out about how to take care of and raise this itty bitty little innocent person.  And now, she's a good eater, plays independently, full of laughter and energy little girl.  She's always smiling or laughing.  She laughs when she eats, its hilarious, she's so happy to just be.  She walks around the house just laughing at herself.  She makes my heart smile!

Happy 1st Birthday to my sweet baby girl Kylah!

A very different path...to the same end result

Going into motherhood its unavoidable to plan ahead about how things will be when your sweet bundle of joy arrives.  Whether it is how they come into the world, how you raise them, how you will spend the first few days, or how you will feed them.  My plan was always to breastfeed Kylah.  I'm going to be honest, I didn't do my research on why it was best, I just knew it was and that was enough of a reason for me.  There were added bonuses of it being free and helping lose weight, but the main driver was its the best that I could provide for Kylah.  I wasn't completely naive, I knew it was hard, and a lot of work, but I had no idea of the battle I was up against.   I thought my biggest hurdle would be lack of sleep, while that was definitely hard to deal with, it was just a minor hurdle in this year long journey.

The Beginning of the End (or so I thought)
 Kylah was born perfectly health at 6lbs15oz and absolutely perfect.  We worked with a lactation consultant at the hospital and had no problems latching.  There were some initial concerns about her not having a wet diaper as we were reaching the first 24hrs, but once she passed that hurdle, I thought we were in the clear.  We were feeding regularly, for an adequate length of time, and we were getting the hang of it.  Fast forward to the day of discharge.  We used the hospital pediatrician and prior to discharge, he goes over his discharge notes with the parents.  Kris had taken the bags to the car, so I was alone in the room when he stopped by.  He went over some basic care instructions and then the big scare came in.  Kylah was jaundiced.  She had lost almost 10% of her birth weight, and we were an ounce away from having to stay an additional day.  WHAT?  Being a first time mom, I freaked.  I thought I was failing.  It was obviously my fault.  We were asked to feed and then supplement with formula.  And immediately schedule a follow-up appointment with our family pediatrician.  No problem, that was already scheduled.  And while my plan was to exclusively breastfeed Kylah, I had no problems supplementing feedings as I knew it was a temporary obstacle.  So I went home with my brand new baby, completely freaked out and worried about her health and we began feeding and supplementing every feeding.  I had no idea how much she was really getting and I started to obsess over it.  I just wanted her to be healthy.  The next day she started to completely refuse to latch on one side and I cried.  What was I doing wrong, I was failing.  Let's just say after you give birth your hormones are all out of whack and you become a complete nut-job.  Yep, that was me.  A paranoid first time mom nutjob who thought I was starving my kid.  Silly, right?  Our first visit to our family pediatrician was a lifesaver, he suggested pumping as a way to know how much I was feeding her.  I don't think he actually realized what journey that was going to lead me down, but we left that appointment and immediately went and bought a pump.  I had plans to purchase one anyways prior to going back to work, but we were just delaying the cost as much as possible.  I came home and my love/hate relationship with a loud, bulky, and annoying piece of equipment began. 

A Learning Process
I had NO idea what I was doing.  My original plan was to just pump and continue to try and work on latching her and eventually drop the pump.  That caused me more stress, I had no idea how much she got form me and then when I pumped I got so little, I stressed over her getting enough.  I decided at least until my fears of jaundice subsided, I'd just pump.  I figured in theory, I'd just pump whenever Kylah would eat and that would be enough.  And that I'd automatically get the right amount.  That I'd pump for 15minutes and that's it.  Hah!  Boy was I wrong.  But that's what I started doing.  15minutes every time Kylah ate (although sometimes I skipped it, thinking no big deal).  She was small enough that what I got was enough.  I started to have excess, not much, but it was progress.  I thought I was doing it "right".  A week before I went back to work Kylah hit a growth spurt and wiped out any excess I had.  I was down to my last bottle.  I was freaking because it was clear I wasn't getting enough to keep up.  Then one day I was able to save a whole bottle and that trend kept up.  We passed our first supply hurdle.  I went back to work and lugged the pump to and from work and pumped there and got home and pumped at home, pumped before bed, woke up early and pumped then.  My life was revolved around pumping.  I still wasn't sure of what I was doing but it was becoming more of a habit now.  I then stumbled upon an awesome online community support group of people doing the exact same thing. Exclusively pumping.  I now had a name.  I was an EPer.  These women were far more experience than I, and I learned a lot.  Basically that I had been doing a LOT of things wrong.  I wasn't pumping enough and I wasn't pumping long enough.  Another mommy fail.  I altered what I could and started reading more and more on this subject. 

Tied to the Pump
Basically for the first 12 weeks you should be pumping at least 8-12 times a day for at least 20 minutes.  I was barely getting in 7 (more like 6) and for 15 minutes.  No wonder I was barely keeping up.  Add that to the fact that it was summer time, I wanted to get out and do things on the weekend, but if I had to pump every 2-3hrs, that didn't give me much time to be away from home.  I know Kris was getting tired of me saying we couldn't do this or that because I had to pump.  He was very supportive, but I knew he didn't understand the reasons behind it.  I started pumping more often and I extended my pump times to 30 minutes.

Milestones and Hurdles and Setbacks
12 weeks/3 months.  That was my first goal. I felt it took a lifetime to make it to July 26th.  But I made it and I was uber proud of myself for sticking with it.  I was starting to be able to freeze a bottle a day so things were looking up.  Then a hurricane rolls in.  We lost power.  I pumped by battery, but without power I knew the stuff in the fridge and freezer would go bad quickly.  The fridge was only opened to feed Kylah.  The next morning almost the whole town was out of power and ice was a commodity.  Kris went out really early on an ice hunt and came back with something better, dry ice!  We filled the cooler with the milk that was in the fridge and the dry ice.  We kept the freezer shut tight so I knew the frozen milk would last a little while longer if unopened.  I hoped the power would come back on soon.  It didn't, but an awesome friend got power and lent me freezer space!  We finally got power back and I didn't lose any of my precious hard work.   I soon began to hate the pump.  I felt I spent more and more time attached to the pump and my baby was growing up in front of me.  I wanted to quit every. single. day. But I just kept going.  It became a fire inside of me that I would make it for a full year.  But I cried a lot.  I came home from being gone for 12hrs for work and I pumped, got to hold and interact with Kylah for maybe 30 minutes and she was in bed, then I had to sit up for another couple hours to do my last pump before bed and it was just becoming way too overwhelming.  I knew something had to give.  I decided to drop a pump in favor of sanity.  I found a renewed energy and dedication and set my sights on a new goal - 6months.

A Winter Full of Sick
I made it to 6months.  It was becoming a habit, or just a daily occurrence, just something that I did/had to do every day.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I was still able to freeze about a bottle every day or two so worries of supply were dwindling.  Then I get sick.  Let me preface this by saying I hardly EVER get sick.  A sinus infection or two a year is the most I deal with.  I thought I was just coming down with a sinus infection, but then it felt more like strept.  I carried myself to the doctor and while it wasn't strept, it was just a nasty infection, but nothing serious.  I woke up the next morning with my eyes completely swollen shut and my throat even more sore than before and it was the weekend.  I suffered through but I basically didn't eat for 72 hours and barely drank.  I pumped as much as I could bring myself to do it, but by the time I was feeling better my supply had already taken a hit since I had not eaten or stayed hydrated for several days.  I was determined to bring it back and it took weeks of hard work and extra pumps but I was making enough to sustain Kylah again (thank goodness for a freezer stash).  The holidays came and went and I woke up on New Years Day feeling miserable.  By the time I made it to the doctor a couple days later I was so weak.  I had mono.  What? Yep. Well again, I was barely eating and drinking because my throat was SO infected/swollen that it hurt too bad.  Supply hit!  It TANKED.  BAD!  I barely pumped because I had zero! energy.  By the time I was feeling better there was no coming back.  I had to start supplementing a bottle a day of formula.  I was so worn out I wasn't sure I wanted to continue.  Thanks to the wonderfully supportive online community I found earlier in my journey, I forged on.  I also knew I needed something to help bring back my supply.  I ordered domperidone.  Yep. I ordered medicine off the internet from a foreign country.  I was desperate. I became more and more determined to make it to a year.  I could do this.  I was hellbent on not giving up.  And I kept on.  I made it to 9 months and slowly the medicine brought back my supply some, enough to feed Kylah.  I was in the homestretch.  I was counting down in weeks instead of months, I could see the goal in sight.  I daydreamed of all the free time I'd have when I no longer had to pump.  I decided to drop another pump to 4x a day.  9 weeks were left.  Welcome stomach flu.  Seriously?! Can I catch a freaking break?! I couldn't eat or keep anything down for 48hours.  I didn't pump for 24hrs straight.  Hello supply tank - AGAIN.  I almost quit, again. I almost gave up.  But the finish line was still there, I could see it.  I upped the meds and kept on pumpin'. literally.  I dropped to 3 pumps a day instead of quitting.  It was April.  Almost there.  The countdown was on.  I counted up how much I had frozen, how much I had fresh, what she took a day, and what I pumped a day and determined the date I could stop.  It was 2 weeks before her first birthday.  Each day that passed was another check on the calendar closer to that date.  It came, and I made it!  I had enough to make to her first birthday.  I did it.  I stopped the meds and cut back on pumping, and in 4 days I was done.  Never looking back.

Looking Back, a Year of Emotions
It was bittersweet.  My baby was growing up, but I was done tied to that machine.  I made it.  It was literally the hardest thing I have EVER done in my whole life.  Childbirth was a piece of cake compared to exclusively pumping for an entire year.  I learned to juggle pumping and feeding a newborn at the same time.  Playing with a newborn and pumping, pumping and driving, pumping at work, pumping at the kitchen table, for the past year my days revolved around the pump.  I hated that thing, but I loved it too.  It provided me with a way to provide the best possible nutrition for my sweet baby when the traditional ways didn't work out.  Was it hard work? YES. But was it worth it? an even more resounding YES.  Do I feel like I missed out?  Of course, I feel I missed some bonding that occurs when you breastfeed, I feel like I spent a lot of time with the pump that I could have spent with Kylah, but I know it was worth it.  But I realize that's part of being a mother, you will always question your decisions and whether they were the right ones.  I know this was.  I also know that I want to bash my pump with a baseball bat Office Space style. I'm gangsta like that.  As much as I'm glad my journey with the pump is over, I still have yet to bring myself to pack it away.  It still sits in its home on the living room floor beside the sofa and coffee table, still plugged in.  One day.  Now where did I put that baseball bat??

What my fridge looked like for a year....


the last of the fridge stash (still some frozen left)

Birthday Girl trying cow's milk!

This is NOT as good as my mommy's milk!
I want to thank Kris for his neverending support.  He washed more bottles and pump parts than I could fathom, he woke up with Kylah when I had to get up early and pump, and he supported me when I wanted to quit and encouraged me when I wanted to keep going.  I also could not have made it a year without the fabulous group of ladies I met online in one of the most awesome support communities ever!  Thank you!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Here we go...

Wordless Wednesday 4.11.12

Happy Easter Everyone!

My First Easter Basket

Getting the hang of this egg hunt!

mommy & me

Easter Family Photo
Me & Daddy
mmm the door tastes yummy!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wordless Wednesday 4.4.12

Easter Pictures!!!!!!! They finally came in the mail.  Now to figure out which one to use on her birthday invitation.














Saturday, March 31, 2012

Maymont in the Spring

Even though Kylah was super cranky today while trying to take pictures in the Italian Garden at Maymont, we still got a few decent pictures.  The tulips were gorgeous, perfect backdrop for springtime pictures.





Check out my teeth!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

wheeeeee

We're lucky we live literally right behind an elementary school.  The weather has been so nice we decided to finish dinner quickly and walk Kylah up there and we tried out the slide.  LOVE!




 No sooner was she down the slide, she was turning around trying to crawl back UP the slide to go again!

Wordless Wednesday 3.28.12

Not sure of this whole "standing on my own" thing

Monday, March 26, 2012

11 months!

wow. my last "monthly" post. Its a little sad tonight as I took her pictures and write this post and realize we only have one more month before she turns the big 1!  We've had a busy month of sickness (both me and Kylah) so we have some idea of how big she's gotten.  My has she put on the pounds.  2 weeks ago when we took her in for her bronchial virus, she was about 17.5 lbs!  She's wearing 6-9month clothes but can easily fit in 12 month dresses (the pants are a little long on her short self).  AND!!! We FINALLY have some teeth poking through.  Its the top two, so she's totally skipped over her bottom teeth and on her way to having rabbit teeth.  I think its her way of making up for not making her Easter appearance last year as planned.  Those suckers are sharp!

Food: Over the past week, she's dropped a bottle.  We're at 4 5oz bottles a day and 3 really hefty solid meals.  We're completely off purees (except for some yogurt or cottage cheese) and strictly on finger foods.  She loves getting messy and feeding herself, and we love the freedom it gives us to eat dinner as a family.  She's become a bit of a pickier eater, deciding she didn't like vegetables anymore.  She still loves her fruit and she has been eating green beans lately, so maybe we can get some more vegetables in her afterall.  We've added watermelon and cantaloupe,  She LOVES watermelon.  I've been making home made mac and cheese and she loves that.  She also enjoys cheese quesadillas and recently had a chicken quesadilla at Chipotle!

Activities:  She's beginning to stand more on her own, letting go of things and standing there for awhile.  Last week she even took her first wobbly steps from daddy to me.  It was only 3, but we were both so excited to be able to witness this milestone.  Still babbling away, says hi and bye and "eh" when she wants something.

Sleep:  Eh, this month has been all over the place as far as sleep is concerned.  Some nights its great, others it is wretched.  Between being sick and teething, we just hope this is a bump in the road and we'll be on to more consistent nights sleeping soon.  5 nights out of 7, one of us ends up on the couch with her. 

Toys: When Kylah got sick with her bronchial virus, I had to run out to the store to get her medicine and of course I had to stop in and get her a toy, a stuffed giraffe to make her feel better.  She's been holding that as she drifts of to sleep and likes to feel on it and rub its head.  She still loves her bath time toys and her laptop.  She also loves her ride on and push behind cars.  She's actually pretty easy going with toys and will play with just about anything.


you can see my top teeth if you look closely!



Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Easter Pics Sneak Peek!

We had Easter pictures this past weekend.  It was a quick 30 minute session with a photographer I found on Facebook and liked her work.  It was a gorgeous day and she had a bunny, baby ducks, and gorgeous spring flowers as backdrops.  We thought for sure Kylah would love the bunny and ducks since she loves our cats and dogs, but she wasn't that big of a fan.  The best thing? The easter egg I filled with cheerios that she could shake.  Even better? when she found out there were cheerios on there and she could eat them.  We got one picture as a sneak peek of the photo session and I can't wait to see the rest.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Spaghetti Face!

Words not needed for the photos below.  The first time Kylah had spaghetti sauce, I think she liked it.